


Error

by Universal_revenge



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Minor Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, universe is not at their side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 05:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19056475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Universal_revenge/pseuds/Universal_revenge
Summary: He was so tired, maybe it would all go away if he closed his eyes?Would the memories leave too?He sure hopes they do.





	Error

 

A bright red light was flashing...

 

The sound…

 

…Is it an alarm? What for?...

 

Is someone screaming?...

 

My head hurts…

 

…Everything hurts…

 

It’s dark...

 

I can’t hear anything…

 

It’s empty…

 

… I’m tired…

 

… exhausted …

 

Maybe I’ll sleep…

 

Yeah... I think I’ll do that…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…It doesn’t hurt anymore…

 

 

\---

 

 

 

The fight was at its heat, no one really knew who they were firing against, there was just too many ships. Way too many. None of the pilots could concentrate, they needed Voltron, and they needed him now. The galra was too strong, only with Voltron would things be easier, quicker. But they couldn’t. They didn’t notice it in time, that someone was missing from their fight.

“Keith! Can you hear us?”

 

“Keith! What are you doing! We need your help man!”

 

“Keith!”

 

He was unresponsive, as was his lion, floating away into the vacuum of space, away from all of them, dead.

 

“We have to get him to safety! I will open up a wormhole! Just get him out of there! We can’t fight without them!” Allura yelled, she was stressed. They wouldn’t make it without Voltron, they already had a very hard time. She could see all of them from where she stood. It could have been a beautiful sight, if not for the war, the galra fighters and ships, the lions, all facing the direction of the red lion. Allura could see the red lion floating away, from the fight. How dark her eyes were. How unresponsive Keith had been during the whole fight.

 

Then it stopped. It seemed the universe slowed down, the fighters, the stars, even the ship. The other lions almost slowed down for a second, before speeding to the red lion. And when they almost reached her, she growled. It was so strong Allura could almost feel it in her bones. The anger. She was infuriated, and hostile. But terrified.

The red lion dived towards the castle, breaking everything in its way. And while the universe was still, Allura ran.

 

 

 

 

Coran, who had really seen what Keith was up to, was already at the med bay. He was Keith take the hits instead of the others, at least a lot of them. Too many not to cause any damage, especially to himself. But it made his mind wander, as he had to wait for him to get here.

Did he do it on purpose?

Coran thought he had, it looked that way, was it because his lion was the fastest? Or was there another reason...

The pod was ready for him, and Coran was prepared.

 

 

\---

 

 

The other paladins were lost. One moment, almost everything was fine, then Keith was not.

They were on their way there, whilst fighting the ships, but everything slowed down and then they speed up. As did the red lion. Her eyes could be seen by them all. She was crying, they could feel her emotions, her sadness, her grief. Her anger.

She had growled, so loudly. But she growled at them.

The paladins could feel it, in their bones, in their heart. Something was wrong, and then the red lion left, with incomparable speed.

None of them moved, the galra that they’d been fighting didn’t move. No one did anything. They were still holding their breath.

 

“What happened…?” Pidge was frightened, her voice shacked. “Why was she angry?... What happened to Keith!?...  when did we lose him?! And the lions take a lot of time to recharge? How did she do that!?... Why?” She was frantic, she couldn’t stop the questions, the only grew and grew. Soon Lance and Hunk came too as well.

But Shiro couldn’t, he couldn’t think, his mind was black for all but him. Keith.

 

Keith, his whole being. And only him.

 

Shiro let out a breath he didn’t knew he had hold.

 

 

\---

  

 

He was dreaming.

But then again, he was always dreaming of a better place, a happier time. Anything to get away from reality, to let him float. He was always dreaming. Often, they were nightmares, but in the light of day he could get away, away from all his troubles, away from his past.

His life had been spent a bit here and there. Always moving around. From family to family, then back to the orphanage.

 

He had been forced to live as an adult for so long that he forgot what it was like to be a child. But the fact remained, that was all he was. A child.

At first, Keith only had to be a little more mature to help his dad out. But the tasks were getting harder and harder every year out in the desert. By the age of eight he knew how to survive the warmest days on the planet, as well as the coldest nights.

But before he turned nine, his father left, and he never came back. Just like his mother did eight years prior.

That’s when most of the problems started, sure, Keith was naturally untrusting since his mom left, and even more so after his dad. But the pressure he got from the grownups everywhere was getting to him, and he had yet to grieve.

He had to do everything perfectly, like he did with his dad. Otherwise, the adults got disappointed, and in worst case, angry.

 

It was the start of his anxiety. With the anxiety his depression got worse, but no one really noticed that. But it was so hard for him, less than ten years old, without any motivation, do have to do everything so perfect no one could say no, or yell, or scream, or say that “You could have done it better, I’m sure you will get it next time.” It didn’t work, his heart was never in anything. And we all know that when the heart is left out of the things you are doing, it will never be perfect.

 

Three times in his life, he tried to take it.

The first wasn’t planned, but he was starving and alone. It had been two days after his father didn’t come back. The food was all gone and the little water he had was almost gone. He starved for three days in the house before giving up. He walked out into the desert in hope to reach civilisation.

He gave up after walking for two days without stop. Without food nor water. He really believed he was going to die.

 

The second time was before he got in to the garrison. They had been to mean, too violent for too long. His fourteen-year-old self couldn’t stand it. No one believed him, no one really wanted him there. He could still hear their insults, he could still feel their hits, bruising his body. He didn’t want it anymore, he didn’t want to fight. So, he gave up, and slit his wrists.

 

The scars are still there.

 

The third time was different. Four months after the Kerberos failure. Around nine months after his only friends left the earth’s atmosphere. He was back at the shack. All alone in the desert. He missed them so much, especially him. He who welcomed Keith with open arms, even if he didn’t deserve it. He thought Keith deserved it, a second chance.

They were rocky at first, but grew together more and more. They were almost inseparable. Almost. But that didn’t matter now, for he was dead. Shiro was dead.

The garrison wasn’t a choice anymore, a month and a half before he was expelled. He had stopped working, stopped training, dropped his grades, got into fights, with everyone. But when he landed that fist against Iverson’s eye, he was doomed.

But now, he had decided. He had cried his last tears, laughed his last laugh. He took his knife, the only thing he has from his mom. And Keith walked out of the door. He walked for five days and six nights, without food or water, without stopping, without resting. Before his body gave up and he collapsed.

 

But Keith didn’t find death this time either. He woke up in an oasis with fresh food and clean water. His wounds had been taken care of and he must have been asleep for some time, for he woke up without exhaustion. But he was alone, he didn’t know where he even was. But he knew the universe didn’t want him to die, but Keith did.

He could feel something. A pull, to search, for something better, for something great.

 

Keith was willing to sacrifice himself for the people he cared about. Ever if they didn’t care about him. He realised this much later in his life.

 

Now he could feel Reds anger. She could understand, there was finally someone who knew, who could see, who understood. Someone who really understood. He could let go now. He could, couldn’t he?

So, he let go.

 

 

 ---

 

 

What happened...?

 

Was he alive?

 

Why was he alive?

 

He didn’t want to be alive.

 

Are they here?

 

No…

They would have talked right now if they were.

 

But they could manage without him, it would be easier for them, not to have a loner who messes up their missions.

They actually don’t need him. He doesn’t have any particular skill, just a guy with a sword who runs into the battle without thinking.

He slows them down.

He’s not a team player.

Allura could easily take his place, maybe even Lance could. Although, blue probably wouldn’t let him go.

They could manage without him.

He knew they could.

 

For he knew he wasn’t important, he never was.

 

He wasn’t needed, unless people was lazy.

 

He was only another child in this endless war.

A child who grew up way too fast.

 

Another soldier to fight.

Another soldier to die.

 

He didn’t want the time, to be again. He never had time.

He never would have the time.

 

For anything.

 

Especially not for love.

 

He shut his eyes harder.

 

He tried to stay asleep.

 

He doesn’t want to face them.

 

But he had to, he knew.

 

He could feel the cryo-pod open, and he fell.

 

 

\---

 

 

He was alone. Was there a dream?

The castle was in dim lights, everything was still.

He was alone.

Alone.

 

Keith’s muscles were stiff as he raised from the floor, his bones made a few cracking sounds and his head hurt, it was fuzzy, dim. He could barely see with the black that was clotting his eyes. There was something on the floor, it was dark, some kind of thick liquid.

_Blood_

Keith’s hands rose to his head and gripped his hair, it was dry and stiff. Probably by blood.

Keith swayed when he walked away, you could barely say it was walking, more like tripping over his feet, feeling the closest wall for help his balance. Keith was almost by the door when he stopped, and looked back. The dark liquid was barely seen from where Keith stood.

His eyes rolled back.

Not now

No, no, no... Not now.

Keith was sitting on the floor the next second.

Hand over his mouth, trying not to throw up. Dizziness hit him again, he rolled over.

When the nausea was over he took a deep breath, then another. Keith slowly made the rest of his way to his room, he crashed into the bed, where he lost consciousness again.

 

 

\---

 

 

Dreaming, memories, flashbacks. To close one’s eyes from the reality can be a dangerous thing. To see too much, could be fatal.

To use one’s head, to think, is necessary, to wander too far off in your own mind can make any man go mad.

Keith presumes that’s what he is doing now when he is asleep. He guesses that’s what he’s doing when he is awake. Is he losing? Quitting? Who knows anymore. Maybe they never were coming back. But, who are... they? No, he remembers, the team, the war, Shiro.

He was still alone, in _his_ empty room.

Didn’t they know he was here or awake? Where were they? **Where** was Shiro?

Keith stretched out his stiff legs. A few bones cracked, his fingers were numbing.

He craved water, and maybe some food? Keith wasn’t sure, but to the kitchen he was going. Tottering on his way.

The castle was dark, almost as it had been when they first entered. All the way to the kitchen, the lights turned on, one by one. The kitchen was empty, but there was some food in the so-called fridge with a post-it with the name  _Lance._ Keith didn’t care. He took the food, some liquid that tasted like water and left for his room. Eating along the way.

 

Keith’s head aced, his head was a bit fuzzy, so when Keith laid in his bed again, he couldn’t move, Keith got restless. Restless, tired and wounded. He wanted to cry. What if? What if? His mind was working too hard, thinking, more and more and more. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t, he wasn’t allowed to. But sometimes he did, in the dark, and was quiet, so no one would hear. Tears falling down his cheeks, no hiccups, no running nose, no choking sounds even if his throat tightens and he cannot breathe, even if his bleeding. There shouldn’t be any sounds, nothing that could expose him.

But sometimes he did, but the last time Keith cried, was a man dead on the moon of Pluto.

But back then he was all alone on a small bed in the middle of the desert, where no one could hear his shallow breaths as tears runs downs his face.

His dad told him he never cried loudly.

He was never allowed to make a sound if he cried, that’s was his first foster dad said.

No. He didn’t want to relive those moments.

Red was still in his mind, purring. It was calming him, so he drifted back into unconsciousness.  

 

 

 ---

 

 

Shiro found Keith in his room of all places, sleeping. The room was in a light mess, some blood here and there, but overall empty. Shiro’s mind started to wander when he looked at the pale walls and empty floor, it looked like a guest room. Had they pushed him away?... Had Shiro pushed him away?

He couldn’t answer to that. If only they had been there when he woke up he wouldn’t be here, unconscious. Shiro knew there was nothing he could do, he felt so useless watching him lay in bed day in and day out. He should have been there.

With his empty room and peaceful sleeping, Shiro couldn’t help but to let his mind wander off. Shiro would be there when Keith woke up, universe be damned, he was not going to miss Keith a second time.

 

The others checked in every once in a while, Pidge, Lance and Coran stayed longer and came around more often. Hunk was stress baking in the kitchen and Allura did have a castle to take care of.

When Pidge was around they tried to talk about other things, but both of their minds wandered to the final question, why?

 

With Lance, it was time for crying and emotions, to let all of it out, regrets, hope, failures. It was their time for sorrow.

 

Hunk was with them sometimes, there was cookies and crying.

 

Allura was questioning all she knew about Keith. She didn’t understand, she was confused, hurt and scared. She only wanted to understand.

 

Coran had the unfortunate job to clean the med-bay. It honestly looked like someone had been murdered. He also had to check up on Keith as he slept, his injuries were healing, but he didn’t wake up as soon as they had hoped. He kept Shiro under check too, Coran made sure he was eating at least three times a day and sleeping more than two hours every other four hours, even if it involved drugs.

 

Sometimes, Keith woke up, not for very long but enough for eating food and use the bathroom. Before falling asleep again. It had been going on for almost two weeks.

But this time they were sure, they would all be there until he finally decided to stay awake.

 

\---

 

 


End file.
